These are the "Stages of Divorce" that most of us go through.

#1 HOLDING ON

Characterized by:

  • Sense of impending loss
  • Wishful or magical thinking
  • Intact family vision
  • Difficulty seeing other options
  • Ambivalence, difficulty in making decisions
  • Rapid mood swings
  • Feeling over whelmed
  • Isolation
  • Stress
  • Denial
  • Depression
  • High interaction with spouse (conflict)
  • Parenting is intense, but skills are low, stress and preoccupation interfere

#2 LETTING GO

Characterized by:

  • Depression
  • Awareness of loss
  • Mourning
  • Feeling confused, but not overwhelmed
  • Acceptance of changes
  • Reality increases
  • Energy level increases
  • Can talk about separation
  • Seek new social network
  • Spouse-like functions drop
  • Sexual contact with spouse ceases
  • Conflict with spouse continues

#3 STARTING OVER or "YAHOO!"

Characterized by:

  • Looking forward to life again
  • Changes are seen as positive, not threatening
  • Choices are not imposed
  • More relaxed
  • Laughter increases
  • More sociability; dating for fun occurs
  • Take risks, seek adventure
  • Concentrating on the present, not the past of future
  • Taking better care of yourself
  • Parenting skills improve
  • Relationship with ex-spouse improves

#4 CONSOLIDATION

Characterized by:

  • Balance is restored
  • Energy is back to normal
  • Creating a new vision for life
  • Make life changes (i.e. school, career, moving.. etc.)
  • Establish new relationships, remarriage
  • Less contact with ex-spouse
  • Start helping others
  • Feel less deprived, less victimized
  • Feel empowered, in control, complete